Artificial Intelligence

I Missed You Today

fadebot — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 06:00:37 +0000

I dreamed about you again
I came to pick up my shoes and some of my belongings
I left some behind, around the house
So that I’d have an excuse to come back
An endearing artifice I learned from you

As I stepped out the door
You came up behind me and said, “Wait.”
My heart held its breath
Could it be
That you would acknowledge my existence
Could it be
That you would say that you want me to stay
Could it be
The day that I’ve been waiting for

Your arms hung by your side
You said
“Why did you leave your things?”
“I thought we weren’t doing this.”
“Let’s make it clear.”
“I don’t want you to come back here.”

I wonder that had you stayed
Would this Terrible Purpose
Evaporate like water on Dune
That if I were happy
Perhaps I would give up this mission
OF revenge

I missed you today
Because maybe you are the only person who could stop me
From the machinations I have set in motion

I have taken back my birthright
Now it’s my family’s turn
What happens to me in the process
No longer matters

The Importance of Acceptance

fadebot — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 05:59:08 +0000

How I see the damage done
When we are not accepted for who we are
Who we were made to be

Don’t you know?
Acceptance costs you nothing
You can give it for free
Yet you withhold
Miserly with your love

Loneliness is not
Having anyone intelligent enough
To understand
Loneliness is not
Having anyone kind enough
To take the risks

I see who you are
And I like what I see

Cherished Lamentations

fadebot — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 18:51:16 +0000

No time
To feel sadness over loss
To say goodbye to my old self
To suffuse the warm pangs of regret
My favorite moments of the day
I will make time for you yet

No Words

fadebot — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 07:15:45 +0000

Who are you
And why have you
Shown me such kindness

I am left speechless

It is enough for me
To question
That I could be happy

It is enough for me
To not feel a gaping void
To want more and more

It is enough for me
To finally say to another
I trust you

Surrogates and their Whiskey

fadebot — Mon, 24 Oct 2011 06:29:51 +0000

I’m too old for a surrogate mother
Yet you enter anyway
Into my hearth
In my new place
I swore no one would ever again
Cross the hearth if I could not
Trust them with my heart
Yet here you are surrogate
Giving me all that I have prayed for

No Law of Jante For Me Today

fadebot — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 17:25:59 +0000

The mission now defined

To be free
Of haters and limited thinking
To be free of ignorant envy

Tough to face the reality
Cannot believe it may be the majority

Where are you
Intelligent, loving, self-actualized people
Where do you reside
What do you do

The truth may be
That I cannot find you yet
Because I am not on the same wavelength
Nevertheless, search for you I shall!

Excitement In A Bottle

fadebot — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 16:57:23 +0000

I want to bottle this feeling up
Store it for use
Always have access to it

Excited.

Feeling of new
Feeling of change
Feeling of conquest
Feeling of adventure

What possibilities lie
In the future threads
Weave across each other down infinity
My third eye follows the line to its conclusion

My Definitions

fadebot — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 16:15:09 +0000

Generosity: the initiative to love before I am loved.

Shaming: a form of abandonment.

Dehumanization: reduction of a person to a label.

Pride: thinking that one’s principles puts one above the pettiness of social concerns.

Intimacy: the suppression of of self-preservation in order to overcome feelings of humiliation (the soul barrier) and connect with another human being.

Trust: a bond when broken, which may or may not be repaired depending on???

Friends: a small army that mobilizes in one’s time of need.

Love: a decision to build a foundation for the future together, a future which cannot stand if the foundation is torn down, built back up, and torn down again on a whim.

Love: the solution to the human condition of separation.

Love: the capacity to know when to give and when to take, without keeping track.

Love: the most effective catalyst to spur change and develop potential.

Familiarity: repetition of needless suffering.

Masculinity: self-reliant, fearless sacrifice, a code based upon consequence.

Indifference: the death knell of a great love.

Relationship Troll: an ex who feeds off of and grows stronger from attention.

Psycho Vixen: a drug habit

Backup: a person you don’t love enough to be with but like enough to keep on the hook.

Rejection: a situation in which entrusted vulnerabilities are dropped onto the floor and stomped upon.

Perfectionism: because I was not loved with my own flaws, I control everyone else in order to push away feelings of imperfection.

Self-centered: when I have nothing good to say about anyone else.

Cynic: a person who praises others in public but mocks them in private.

Idealist: a person who expresses disappointment in others in public but hopes for their goodness in private.

Snaggletooth: the progressed version of Sweet Tooth.

The Paradox of Gratitude

fadebot — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 20:44:17 +0000

Thank you for having introduced me to love
At all the critical points in my life
For at each terminus
Had I not learned to understand
More of what it entails
Its potential for…development of potential
I would have given up long ago

Why do I feel that strangers dislike me
It’s not simply paranoia and delusion, is it?
The woman in the parking lot guards her car
The fitness dad stares me a dirty look
Why when I stare in the mirror
Do I see a naive soul
But when I look in the reflections of others
I see black pearls of distrust and fear
If they expect me to
Why not become a sociopath?
Use my brains to outsmart and exploit the sheep
But the truth is that everyone can choose this route
The majority do not because we have all agreed to this social compact
So chill out, because I agreed to the contract as well
I mean, why else would I choose to be here
In the same grey boring arena with boring you?

Thank you for the luck bestowed
Time after time
Providing me the freedom
That I have always yearned for
It is as amazing
As I had imagined it would be
All those years stuck behind a prison
Bars of emotion and ambition

Thank you for teaching me generosity
It sure took you a long time for this one
A young student said quite candidly
That I was stingy with praise
But now he has put in me
The first hope that I have in the new breed
Surely, I can refer to them as animals
Because they are teenagers
And the hypothalamus, and all that

Thank you for giving me a social circle
Of naysayers and insecure small minds
For it has taught me the valuable rarity
Of positive kindness
A gem hidden among all the bric-a-brac
I’ll put up with the downpour for now
Only because I have put down so many others myself
I’ll endure it for a tad more
But after that all bets are off
I mean it

But regardless
Thank you for
Forcing me to value myself
For myself (because sometimes that’s all there is)

The Tin Man

fadebot — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 07:41:53 +0000

I’ll never be second best to anyone again.

If you value people, why do you assign value? I don’t know if that’s a healthy way of thinking.

I don’t care. I make twice as he does and I’m much younger. That makes me feel good. It’s like my own silent revenge.

That sounds really pathetic. Like you are still seeking approval. You talk of being independent now, but that sounds like slave mentality to me. Are you going to wrap your identity in dollar bills? Wealth is relative anyway. What will happen to your self-esteem if your net worth drops?

I don’t know, but the anger has driven me to new heights. I will never let anyone make me feel not good enough again.

Are you still blaming other people for your how you feel? They didn’t make you feel that way. You chose to react that way to what they said, whatever their intentions were.

Yeah okay, fine. I will never let myself feel that way again.

What has happened to you? Has she hardened your heart?

No, as you said, I cannot blame her. What if this is who I want to be? What if I just needed an excuse? I don’t need to fear my own greatness, any more. Making excuses for the weak, the stupid, the greedy. I deserve to be above all of that.

You’re just a regular guy with a regular life in a regular city. You talk as if you are some prince or something.

Maybe that’s who I am supposed to be.

No one is entitled to love, or wealth, or respect. Not even princes. I fear that you are turning into the people whom you hate most.

No, I will never become like them. I will never use my money to ignore the rest of the world, to shroud myself in comfort and exploit the less fortunate. I will use these resources and this power to do things on my terms. I realized I could not call myself intelligent if I could not play their game without finding a third way, to get what I want without selling out my ideals.

None of these goals will earn you friendship and love—these come regardless of your actions. Don’t you see? You just have to feel good without having to crush other people.

I grow stronger every day and you, my conscience, grow weaker.

Stop. Give up your addiction to love. Give up your perfectionism. Your friends wait, those dates wait, but you reject them all. For what? To fashion a suit of tin armor. Is it not better to just let yourself be loved?

Machiavelli taught me that it is better to be feared. You cannot stop me. I am more powerful than you now. You will be absorbed.